From the archive of my former Russian website. Edited for this website.
When the inner world is projected outwards
Projection means placing material from our inner world outside ourselves and attributing it to the external world.
We can find ourselves in a kind of looking-glass world of our own inner life without realising it. We are among people but do not see them; we talk but do not hear them. Our subjective reality fills the space, and we are unaware that it does.
What can we project? Perceptions, feelings, thoughts, values, and plans.
For example, everyone seems angry to me, yet perhaps I do not recognise my own anger or aggression and attribute it to others. People seem suspicious, greedy, envious, corrupt, or flattering—or, conversely, kind, delightful, and entirely good. Projections can be powerful. Sometimes they reflect something of our inner world. I feel that someone is offended by me, but perhaps I am feeling guilty about something I did. I think people are judging me, while I may be experiencing shame.
In projection, a person attributes their own unwanted qualities to others, protecting themselves from recognising those qualities in themselves. This mechanism can also help justify their actions.
For example, I accuse someone of being cold towards me or causing my difficulties at work or in my personal life. By blaming them, I may be hoping they will take responsibility that I am not taking myself. When I attribute certain qualities to others, I may be defending against recognising them in myself.
Projection can work as a defence. It allows a person to treat their own unacceptable feelings, desires, motives, or ideas as belonging to someone else, and thereby avoid feeling responsible for them. One consequence can be wanting to correct or remove the person onto whom something negative has been projected, to escape the feelings they supposedly “cause.” Yet that person may have little to do with what has been attributed to them.
Another example: “Nobody is my friend, nobody loves me, nobody hears or sees me.” Exploring these statements may sometimes reveal something from our inner world: “I do not listen to myself and I do not listen to others; I do not value myself or them, even though I may need them; I do not notice anyone or reach out with love.” This is a possibility to investigate, not an automatic conclusion about a person who feels alone.
None of us is entirely free of projections. The more we distance ourselves from part of our experience, place it onto another person, and refuse to recognise it as our own, the more rigid and harmful the projection can become.
The mirror metaphor helps me speak about this: sometimes, what affects us most strongly in another person tells us something about our own inner world. But the other person cannot be reduced to our reflection. And this journey can become a passage through a kingdom of distorting mirrors.
Clues that may help you notice a projection
- Your speech contains many evaluations, interpretations, and judgements about what others think, do, feel, value, or experience.
- You make many assumptions about what others think and feel about you.
- You frequently predict other people's behaviour.
- Information is missing: the less we know, the easier it is to fill the gaps with projections.
Exploring our projections
Learning to recognise our feelings
We can begin by developing the ability to observe our feelings. Recognising our emotions helps us distinguish what we feel and think from what we actually know about another person.
Taking back what we have placed outside
If we say “Nobody loves me, nobody values me, nobody needs me,” useful questions might be: How do I know? Who told me? What did I feel or see? In whom? What signs led me to that conclusion?
This may help us pause and realise: “Perhaps I went too far when I said everyone.” Who, specifically, am I talking about? Once we identify those people, we can ask directly about how they relate to us or what they feel.
Whom do I love? Whom do I value? Am I certain that those people do not love or value me? Do I love and value myself?
If I have decided that nobody cares about me, I can ask: What is this like for me? What do I feel? Perhaps the answer is: “It hurts. I feel sad.”
Do I feel equally unimportant to everyone? Whose attitude hurts the most? Which relationship matters to me, and which could I let go? If an important person emerges, we can do something in that direction. We can tell them that feeling unimportant hurts, or that the relationship matters to us. This opens a possibility of clarifying the relationship, although their response is not known in advance.
Trying first-person language
Another exploration is to temporarily turn a sentence around: instead of “You do not want to see me,” try “I do not want to see you”; instead of “It must be difficult for you to be with me,” try “Perhaps it is difficult for me to be with you, or with myself.” Then ask whether there is any truth in that statement. This does not mean replacing a fact with self-blame; it means exploring a possibility.
Seeing more clearly without denying reality
This topic matters because it can help us see the world more clearly. I reclaim my projections by clarifying situations and working with the issues that hurt me. They may point to places for inner work and development.
Recognising projections can be uncomfortable, but it can also help us take responsibility for our lives. When we see more clearly where we are and what is happening, it becomes easier to decide where to go next.
At the same time, it is essential to distinguish our assumptions from another person's real actions. If someone humiliates you, deceives you, or violates your boundaries, this cannot automatically be explained as your projection. Exploring inner experience helps clarify reality, not cancel it out.